


Learning to Breathe

by Townycod13



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Build, aged-up, being a grown up can be hard, hints of other pairings, kenny centric - Freeform, wrote for funsies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 21:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13532598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Townycod13/pseuds/Townycod13
Summary: Kenny had come out the other side of hardship. It was worth it, it really was, but it wasn't without cost.





	Learning to Breathe

The apartment was gorgeous.

It represented a culmination of years and years struggle, defeating odds, challenging the status quo again and again. It was his too.

Spacious. Wonderful location. The epitome of the success he had strove for.

Kenny tried to smile.

He really tried.

This was good.

His job supported Karen’s dorm expenses and her scholarships did the rest. She would have the pressure of maintaining her grades to keep it all but he liked to think it would prepare her better for the working world.

Kevin was in rehab, again, but it was looking optimistic this time. Kenny and Karen had teamed up to convince him to go out of state.

Away from South Park. Away from bad habits and bad friends.

Utah would be good for him, hopefully, and maybe this time around he’d come out capable of taking care of himself.

Kenny still had plans though, support networks, he’d researched rehab institutions carefully. Picking locations where it was harder to get ones hands on temptations and then reaching out to make connections. Utah was ideal. Stan’s friend Gary lived there now.

Kenny never cared for the guy much but he was about as stable, honest, and organized as a person could be. If he promised to keep an eye on Kevin, he would.

His parents were where he left them. He liked to think that they might be able to get it together; maybe they could afford decent meals if they weren’t financially burdened with their children.

Well, it was difficult to say that they’d ever been financially burdened with their kids but Kenny wanted them to be okay, despite it all, and there wasn’t much more he could do other than hope.

Hope and look at his glorious empty apartment.

He didn’t own much to put into it. His two tattered suitcases contained everything he owned in the world.

That was okay though, after so long of the cluttered existence he’d grown up in space was welcome. Nice.

Kenny tried to smile.

New town, new job, and a new apartment.

He’d done it.

His cell jingled and he also noted that it was new too.

_From: Stan_

_all moved in dude??_

That was sweet, Kenny decided to fib a little and say that everything was set up.

He’d have to sleep on the ground a few days. He didn’t quite have the money for a mattress before his first paycheck.

It didn’t matter though. He’d slept on far worse. He could stack his clothes to put some distance between himself and the wood though.

He wondered vaguely what type of flooring he was looking at. Despite a million part-time jobs at construction sights he wouldn’t be able to tell any of this apart if he tried.

He liked grunt work. Thoughtless work. Easy work. They give you the materials, quick instructions how to install, and then they give you space to work. It was his favorite kind of work. Gave him time to think. To plan.

He was letting his mind wander too much. With trepidation and a smile on his lips, he half rolled, half dragged, his old and overused suitcase to the center of the room and took a special sort of joy in dumping all his belongings unceremoniously on the floor.

Sure, he’d have to clean it all up. Sure, it was an unnecessary problem to create for himself. Sure, he might have broken something.

None of that mattered.

It was _his_ floor to dump things onto.

That was the important part.

\--

“What about _us_? Are you really leaving me for…” Kenny gestured to his left in utter distress, somehow managing to get his point across because her face moved into a grim line.

“How _dare_ you.” Her voice was venom, eyes flaring in defiance, “You think I don’t know about Tiffany?”

Kenny deflated.

“You too…?” he muttered brokenly, “Fine. If—“

“CUT! Why is that extra there? You, you’re supposed to be behind the yellow line--”

Everyone paused in motion at the first call from the director. The milling people on the street all listening attentively to the commands. The beautiful girl before him immediately melted from rage to a playful smile, she had a habit of doing that in scenes like these. Like she wanted to assure him that there was no real malice in her words.

He would never, upon pain of death, tell her or anyone else that as skilled an actress as she was, it was impossible to face her pretend anger in the same category of the very real maliciousness he’d faced in his life.

It was kind of a killjoy to talk about.

“You looked like you were really gonna cry there, Ken, you alright?”

Kenny looked mock hurt, “Are you suggesting my normal acting isn’t as convincing? How cruel, that’s it, we’re over. I’m breaking up with you.”

“Weren’t we literally in the scene where I dump your ass?” she quipped back in good humor.

“Nope, gotta change it, I’ll talk to the director right now and explain that it must be the other way around. He’s a reasonable person,” she snickered at that, watching as the man himself argued with the extras supervisor, “He’ll understand completely why I need this.”

“Sure,” she said.

Some reorganization later and it was from the start all over. Kenny felt a pang of sympathy for the bored background actors, knowing he would be joining their ranks tomorrow for his work on a different show.

Background acting, voice acting, and a regular supporting character on a teen drama. A truly terrible one at that, Kenny would probably have some enjoyment of it if he weren’t trying desperately to sell his acting skills with the less than ideal writing that went into this.

He was grateful though. It was one step up from the Disney channel shows that excelled at over-acting for emphasis because children are too dumb to understand otherwise.

He’d probably be grateful for a role in one of those too, if he was honest.

Work was work. He had no aspirations of fame. He just wanted to meet ends meet.

(okay, fame appealed to him a little, but priorities.)

It started with voice acting.

Just an open casting online and he’d sent his Mysterion voice in as a lark.

But then he was hired and he had a range of voices and he could work from afar so long as he could get his hands on the materials. That was a whole other story though.

A background actor tripped and they started from the beginning again.

Kenny didn’t mind so much. He was used to the same thing repeating endlessly with no hope of escape. And hey, his co-actor was good company.

\--

“H-“ a tic “Howareyou liking the city?”

Kenny smiled at Tweak over his coffee. “It’s nice. Peaceful.”

Tweak scoffed like there was a joke, “Most people find LA morexcitingthan ‘peaceful’.”

“Most people aren’t from South Park.”

They shared a laugh. It was good to see Tweak. Kenny honestly spent most days feeling like he was surrounded by strangers.

It was both fortunate and unfortunate that their busy schedules didn’t really allow for much time together.

“So, how’s ‘The Trouble Below’ treating you?”

Kenny thought about this, “It’s nice. I like my coworkers a lot. Thank you again for the recommendation, seriously dude, no way I would have gotten the role without your support.”

Again, Tweak’s disbelieving scoff, “Dude, I justgotyou the audition, you got yourself the role. I don't have _that_ much sway.”

But he did have sway. Unlike Kenny’s ‘pays the bills’ attitude towards acting, Tweak was an honest to god talented actor with a bright future ahead of him. One that probably contained fame and a large house.

“Still, can’t get the role if you don’t audition for it. Thanks dude, I mean it.”

They both enjoyed the truth and lie of the statement. The world of acting was complicated and carnivorous in strange ways. He was lucky to have a friend like Tweak, they weren’t close, they probably never would be, but they were still friends who could trust each other.

Tweak’s phone buzzed to life and Kenny spotted the name just before the glow in Tweak’s cheeks. He was tempted to tease but remembered just in time that his twitchy friend was one of those people you did not tease.

Mostly because he would punch your lights out, or at very least send a hard kick with love.

“Tell Craig I say hi!” he chirped as Tweak began responding to the message, “How’re his classes going by the way?”

Tweak shrugged, “Heard his English professor isadick. Not much else.”

“Is he going to visit during spring break?” he waggled his eyes suggestively.

Whoops, sore spot, Tweak looked displeased, “Nah, I’m going to be out of town on a shoot.”

Canada, again, if Kenny had to guess.

“That’s rough, dude. Hopefully summer will be easier.”

Tweak nodded in agreement, engrossed in the discussion on his phone.

Kenny decided to finally take the hint and picked up his own phone.

\--

What a nice life.

Kenny had his phone propped up on an old script while he scarfed down his fajita. The mattress underneath him was probably too hard and too cheap and he could probably afford a better one but he decided he liked this one.

He didn’t feel all that bad if it got messy for one. Nice things made him nervous. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about the phone.

The Netflix drama he’d chosen at random wasn’t terribly entertaining but he entertained himself by imagining the drama that probably occurred in production.

It was also nice because there were a few familiar faces among the background actors. Good on them, putting food on the table.

What a nice life.

Tomorrow was his long awaited day off and he planned to spend the entirety of it in bed. He’d earned it. He’d prepared too. Had a playlist of jerk off material, more snacks than he needed, grubhub ordered in advance to arrive at around lunch and diner, and a movie he’d been looking forward to watching for literal months now.

It struck him as hilarious that while literally being in the business of creating media content, he’d had little time or energy to spare for new movies or shows.

Tomorrow was going to be awesome.

His apartment was still sparing but had what he needed. A fridge, a bed, a washing machine, and the box his fridge had come in propped up as a table, his empty suitcases offering it extra support.

An incredibly nice life.

\--

“Alright, we’re going on a thirty minute break!” no sooner had the cast director announced this, Kenny slunk away to a private nook in holding, pressing the familiar contact for the third time today.

“Hey, Kenny.” The voice tried for cheerful, but there was clear exhaustion there. Kenny bit back some guilt. Solve the problem first, feel terrible about it later.

“Hi Gary, thanks again for this. How’s he doing?”

There was a shuffling and some stall in the conversation and Kenny knew the man was moving away from an unwanted audience. He eased the transition patiently by indulging Gary’s vague non-answers until he’d reached some form of privacy.

“It’s pretty bad, Kenny. He won’t talk to anyone. He’s holed up in the upstairs bedroom and I’m… I’m a little scared for him right now.”

 _Of him_ was somewhere in the tone as well. Kenny knew his brother well enough to know it wasn’t unearned either.

Kenny quelled his concern and smoothed his voice, he wasn’t actually calling to get information on Kevin. He had other sources for that. This was a more political call.

Not that Gary would ever know.

“It’s okay, he’ll be alright when he calms down. I’m so sorry this happened, is there anything I can do to make up for it?”

Gary laughed in a heavy stifled way, “No, it’s seriously alright, I offered to help knowing what I was getting into.”

‘No, you offered to help after I pulled enough strings that you felt an obligation to. But you can’t know that. You can’t know that I talked to Bebe knowing she’d consult Wendy, knowing that the way I phrased it would have her twisting Stan’s arm until he called you up and mentioned the problem because you are someone he considers a moral authority on issues. He didn’t ask you either, he just talked to you about it.’

Kenny didn’t say any of this.

Instead he spent the next fifteen minutes easing ruffled feathers and making Gary feel good about himself. Confident that his actions were right in the eyes of God. Happy that he was someone that people could depend on.

Kenny spent fifteen minutes convincing him that he wanted to approach the difficult situation with renewed vigor and self-righteousness.

It was honestly more time than he wanted to spend on it, but this kind of damage control was important.

His next call was to Karen and he despaired that he could only give her five minutes.

“Kenny… what are we going to do?”

Her voice sounded like she’d been crying. He knew what she’d been thinking about in the three hours since he’d last had a break long enough to call. Should she quit school and move to Utah? Could she? Was she a terrible person for even thinking about it?

Could they afford this? Should she get a job? What kind of job could she get that would fit her class schedule?

It went on, she would have more fears and concerns on her brain than Kenny could possibly ease in his limited time on the phone with her.

He settled for the confidence that he knew she only half believed but she also wanted to believe in, “It’s okay. I’ve got the situation under control. He’s going to be fine. He’s already been discharged from the hospital and Gary’s watching out for him.”

Karen stifled a sniffle, “I’m scared, Kenny… what if…”

Kenny honeyed his words but layered them in baseless confidence, eyes on his watch at all times. Only two more minutes for his sister.

“I know. I know. It’ll be okay though. We’ll figure this out. You know we can do this.” He put just a bit of smug into his tone, “I’ve managed far worse than this, haven’t I?”

She giggled weakly at his bravado. He counted that as a success.

“Yeah, you’re a real miracle worker.”

One minute.

He mocked offense, “Is that sarcasm I spot in your tone? Go to your room this instant young lady!”

That got an actual giggle.

Thirty seconds.

“Alright, I have to go. My break is almost over. I’ll call you after work, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too, Kenny.” Her tone was watery but a bit lighter than the beginning of the call. He would definitely need to make a few follow up calls.

Ten more minutes before his break was actually over.

He had time for one more call that should take hours but he was going to have to condense it to ten minutes. For now at least. He’d have other breaks today. Background acting had a lot of boring downtime.

The phone barely rang before there was a click and the answering message started up.

Kenny expected this.

“Kevin,” he put a smile in his voice, small but supportive, “I’m calling again in a few hours. It’s okay man; we’ll figure this out. Don’t worry about the money,” he knew that wasn’t even on Kevin’s mind, but reminding him would compel him to answer the next call, “I’ve got you, man. I’m flying over Thursday night.”

It was a short message full of assurances and confidence and kindness spliced with just enough cruelty to manipulate the parties involved.

This message and the pep talk he’d just given Gary should inspire a heart-to-heard between the two. It would give him time to finish work.

He only had a little work this weekend, just a recording on Friday. The trouble with his job was calling in sick just wasn’t an option most times. Delaying production was an unacceptable crime.

Luckily Kenny had talked his boss into letting him record off-sight. He’d never been more grateful for the recording equipment he’d acquired for his earlier work.

Three minutes until his deadline, assuming there were no delays, and Kenny sent one more message to ease his own frayed nerves. The more he got done in one go, the more he’d be able to deal.

_To: Kyle_

_sorry dude, cant come up this weekend after all, raincheck?_

He wouldn’t receive an answer before he had to get back to work but he could guess the response. A barely passive aggressive comment and vague acceptance.

Kyle didn’t totally believe how busy Kenny claimed his schedule to be. He’d never worked in this industry, he was used to nine to five work where no one worked sixteen hour days and were grateful as fuck for the overtime that provided.

It was fine.

It was strange that they hadn’t been able to meet up once, despite both living in California, but the distance between Los Angeles and San Francisco wasn’t anything to sniff at. Not with Kenny’s insane schedule and Kyle’s graduate school and budding career.

The break ended and Kenny returned back to the headspace of a homeless junkie on a street corner, leering at the protagonist of this particular drama while his slightly higher paid companion was granted the privilege of uttering a few unsavory lines at her.

He was off work in a few hours. He could fix everything in a few hours.

\--

The apartment was quiet and cluttered when he returned. His haphazard packing hadn’t helped anything. Canada had been nice, it was his first time filming there and, apart from the back-to-back schedule, he was grateful to have the work.

He wasn’t lucky enough to have tomorrow off. He needed to get a car. Lyft was an affordable option for now but living in LA without a car was starting to strain him.

Sometimes he wished he had someone who could pick him up from the airport that wasn’t a stranger.

He tried to find the common string of thoughts and realized his work and flight had jumbled it all. He wasn’t quite looking forward to doing this all over again next month.

Shower, check in with Kevin and Karen, check social media, check work email, and go to sleep.

It was nice to have an apartment to return to, even cluttered up like this.

Canada was nice.

His job was nice.

His apartment was nice.

His family and friends were nice.

This was okay.

\--

“Dude, how am I meeting up with you before you and Kyle have hung out even once?” Stan wasn’t even in town to see him, through some complicated bullshit caused by Randy Marsh, Stan was here to find a specialty item at some obscure shop in Sylmar.

Stan would have turned down the errand flat if it wasn’t a free plane ticket that allowed him to meet his old friend.

Kenny shrugged with equal amounts of mystification, swallowing his food before responding, “I don’t know man, work’s been insane and you know what trying to drag Kyle away from a book is like.”

Stan sniggered at that, “Truth.”

It was really nice to have Stan here. Showing him all the shit he liked about LA. Bringing him to his favorite Pho place. Admitting with some embarrassment he hadn’t really found the time to visit some of the more famous tourist traps.

Looking at the stars in west Hollywood was less appealing when you had to take the bus or face traffic on the 101. Kenny would rather save his gas money for the next time he might need to get to Utah in a jiffy.

Ten hours wasn’t really a jiffy but it was still cheaper than flying.

Seeing it for the first time with Stan was nice though.

It was also strangely stressful.

Like he would be responsible for anything and everything that might go wrong. Stan wasn’t the sort to play the blame game but he felt anxious regardless.

“Dude, you were right though, this stuff is freaking awesome!”

Stan’s enthusiasm about trying new food helped a bit though.

This was nice. He could do this.

\--

Karen hadn’t wanted to visit over summer break.

There were a lot of reasons, Kenny was sure, but some of it was guilt about money and some of them were plans with her friends. Ultimately Kenny wasn’t going to push her and feigned as much enthusiasm as he could when Tweak sent him the excited messaged that Craig was going to fly in.

No one was coming to see Kenny.

That was good. Having Stan over a month prior had really hammered home how hard it is to have a guest and still work full time.

Kenny observed his spotless apartment solemnly. He’d cleaned it thoroughly with the anticipation that Karen would accept his invitation. He’d even gone out and finally bought a proper table after Stan had nagged him about it.

He made Stan put the Ikea nightmare together though. Vengeance had been sweet.

His place looked so nice.

So, so, so nice.

Everything was so fucking nice.

He breathed and went through his list of responsibilities. Kevin was holding down a job at Denny’s, Gary still felt better about himself for having the slightly unstable tenant. There hadn’t been any more relapses. Karen was exceling in school, her passion to get every minute of the education she was paying for reflecting in a strong worth ethic. His parents were stable. Last he’d checked in his mom was working more regularly.

How nice.

So nice.

Stan was working (what was it again?), Cartman was going high-powered businessman in New York (a truly terrifying thought), and Kyle had a paid internship that was supporting his grad school. Butters was going the slow way through Community College but it was looking like he’d be able to transfer to a university soon.

Really nice.

Everything is nice.

His stove was nice, not a crumb on it. His floor was nice. His bathroom was nice.

The world was so incredibly nice and soft.

Kenny's fingers loosened and he didn't look at the impressions his nails had made on his skin.

\--

"Kinny, you're such a manipulative asshole."

Kenny questioned why he answered the phone when Cartman called.

"Coming from your lardass, I must be rather impressive."

The voice on the other ended didn't seem to care about the insult implied, "Look, all I'm doing is pointing out the obvious. It's not my problem if can't handle the truth, Kinny."

Kenny shrugged, the gesture not making its away across the phone connection at all, "Eh, whatever gets the job done."

Cartman laughed openly at that, "Amen."

He wasn't totally comfortable with Cartman approving of his 'ends justify the means' logic, but he'd take the allies where he could get them.

And Cartman was always a better ally than enemy, even if being his ally also sucked.

"Oh yeah, I saw the jew last week."

Kenny's eyebrows rose, "Kyle?"

"Yeah, went on a trip to visit some family in Jersey. We had lunch."

Cartman made it sound like an entirely non-eventful trip. Kenny was sure that meant it was very eventful and the backlash of it would eventually reach him. He set that aside for now and marveled at the irony of it.

He still hadn't made time to see Kyle, had he? They'd been both living in California for almost a year now and his friend on the east coast had seen the other boy sooner.

How ridiculous was that.

\-- 

_To: Kyle_

_hey would you mind if i flew up next week? i have some off time and i figured we could catch up :D_

The floors were spotless.

_From: Kyle_

_Next week is a bit tough for me actually, they're letting me help out on a case._

There was a glass of tea, a mug of coffee, and a can of Redbull on the counter, next to a script with actually palatable dialogue.

_To: Kyle_

_dude! thats fantastic!!!! congrats man, is it a cool case??? murder???? celebs??? scandal??_

The trash was taken out. The walls were clean except for the pictures of friends and family he'd put up.

_From: Kyle_

_LOL chill, it's a minor neighborly dispute._

The room was nice.

_To: Kyle_

_do you ever feel trapped?_

Everything was ni---

What did he just send?

Blood drained from Kenny's face. He hadn't meant to send that.

Shit. Taking it back would be even more awkward. Shit.

_From: Kyle_

_What do you mean?_

Ah, he could talk his way out of this.

_To: Kyle_

_well, its been this long and its just a 'neighborly dispute' lmao, wheres the drama?? romance? kyle r u trapped in a deadend job xD_

It was a bit dangerous sending a message like that to Kyle. Boy could be so sensitive sometimes. The benefit was that even if Kyle got all pissy and stopped answering, he wouldn't think farther about the question. Best case he took it as Kenny's bad attempts at humor.

_From: Kyle_

_Nah, I mean, that's what this is, you know? You have to build up slowly and earn trust through experience. Rather than trapped, I feel really lucky._

Why did Kyle have to be a good guy and answer the question seriously?

The phone pipped again.

_From: Kyle_

_Although... sometimes I feel like I could be doing more. I am a bit impatient if I'm honest._

That was nice. Kyle had a goal and he was reaching for it. He wanted results sooner but was trying to be patient. Kenny chuckled a little, patience had never been his friends skill.

_To: Kyle_

_youre doing more than enough dude, youve got this \\(*w*)/_

This is fine.

_From: Kyle_

_Pfff... what the heck is that emoticon?_

Everything is nice.

\--

**bip bip bip bip**

Kenny groaned and regretted it instantly. Ugh, the taste of morning mouth. Alarms were invented by Satan. So were mornings. Kenny had half a mind to die real quick just to give the guy himself a stern talking to.

**bip bip bip bi—**

Stage one of operation wake up accomplished. Now all he needed to do was convince his body that moving to the sink and brushing his teeth was a good plan.

His legs protested. _But Kenny_ they complained, _we don’t wanna._

He caved under these seemingly undefeatable complaints and reached for his phone instead. Teeth could wait just a bit while he played candy crush or something.

_From: Kyle_

_You know what? People seriously suck sometimes. You remember how I mentioned getting a haircut awhile back? So this jerk in my class decides that its totally his business what I do with my hair. And once or twice? Sure, I can grit my teeth and take an unwarranted critique. But dude, that was literally_ a month ago _and every freaking class this punkass decides to make a new comment about how I should grow it out again._

 _How is that any of his business? I cut it because I_ like _it short. It’s my damn hair!_

 _I’m well aware this might not be the cut that best suits me but that doesn’t matter! It’s the cut I_ chose _! Other people don’t get to decide what I should or should not do with my damn hair!_

_Okay, so I might have snapped at him yesterday._

_Okay, so I might have scared the shit out of him a little bit too._

_In my defense, I endured his unwarranted scrutiny for a fucking month with only polite rebuttals. Dude was not getting the message._

_So now the asshole is trying to get_ me _in trouble for being ‘disruptive’ and ‘scary’._

_So yeah, people kinda really suck sometimes. I know I shouldn’t have risen to the bait but goddamn I hate that snotty bastard._

Kenny tried very hard to keep a smile off his face at the rant. He could practically hear Kyle’s frustrated pacing as he vented. He’d be a bit more concerned about the complaints but he was well aware Kyle could handle it.

_To: Kyle_

_omfg that guy sounds like such a dickstain, i hope he has angry-kyle-nightmares. and dun worry about your hair dude, im sure it looks awesome_

It wasn’t often Kenny went off site for lunch. There was usually a free buffet or lunch of some kind and it was against Kenny’s code of conduct to turn down free food from work.

Today he really wanted to go to that nice bagel place with the ridiculously good soups though and after a mental calculation of how very little it would matter to his budget, Kenny decided to treat himself.

_To: Kyle_

_quick, help, its an emergency. onion soup or split pea? halp kyle, ur my only hope_

He hadn’t even made it to the restaurant before he heard the familiar plip.

_From: Kyle_

_Neither you heathen. Tomato is the only way to go. And get a salad too._

**Plip**

_And send me evidence._

Kenny couldn't help that he grinned ear to ear when he sent Kyle the ridiculous lunch selfie. He’d really wanted to look grouchy in it while he gnawed on the greens like a displeased rabbit.

_From: Kyle_

_Work today suuuuucked. I forgot about a meeting. My direct supervisor covered for me but it was really clear that it was a one-time thing. Damnit, if only I’d just double-checked my calendar. That was so dumb. Shit._

Kenny glanced at the time, two more hours before he’d be able to call it a day but he had a few minutes before recording resumed.

_To: Kyle_

_im sorry man, that sounds like shit. want me to burn the building to the ground?_

A coworker gestured for him to come over just as the next message came in.

_From: Kyle_

_No arson, Kenny. Jeez, why is that your answer to everything?_

He had just enough time to snark back before he had to put his phone away.

_To: Kyle_

_i cant help it, when ur as hot as me the fire just comes off in waves_

He wasn’t able to read Kyle’s response until later in the evening but he was sure to be berated for being ridiculous. Kenny was looking forward to it.

\--

At first, it was every few days. Just a message to update, to say hi, to hear from someone familiar.

Then it was more like every other day.

Eventually it was everyday.

Nothing important, nothing meaningful, just random shit that happened. Bitching about something stupid at work or sending dumb memes.

Kenny started because it was officially over a year since he'd moved to Cali and he had still not met up with his childhood friend.

He felt bad, like he was somehow avoiding Kyle, so he'd send more messages his way than he normally would otherwise. Kyle responded when he had time and always seemed to have something thoughtful or interesting to add.

Sometimes Kenny would get off a late shift and want to talk to someone. If it was late in California, it was much later in Colorado, and he didn't want to bother anyone.

But he knew that Kyle kept his phone on silent when he slept so he'd send some dumb rant about crap at work or something surprisingly nice that happened.

And by the time he'd woken up, he had a response from Kyle time-stamped at some god-awful early hour when Kyle had woken up.

It felt nice that Kyle replied to him before going to work or school or wherever.

Kyle sent him stuff too. When Kenny first mentioned a complaint about work, it opened the floodgates for Kyle to feel safe expressing himself.

Kenny thought it was funny. The guy got so passionate about shit. And he was always aiming to get shit done. Kenny liked that, a lot. People that were focused on not just getting things done, but getting the _right_ things done.

The _important_ things. Kyle wasn't swept up in whatever peer pressure slammed into him, he slammed back with equal or greater force.

It was cool.

Kyle was kind of cool.

He didn't realize it was everyday at least twice a day until communication died down briefly. Kenny was in Canada, again, and his schedule was just a bit too intense to talk to anyone outside of the minimum maintenance required.

Make sure Karen had food money. Make sure Kevin didn't get himself kicked out.

And so he hadn't sent midnight messages and Kyle hadn't sent early morning replies and it gnawed at him in a strange way. He was so used to waking up to Kyle's messages.

Maybe after this trip he'd finally make time to hit up Norcal, see what all the fuss was about.

\--

Kyle was studying for an important exam and had insisted on dropping communications with everyone, including his own family, for a full week so that he was entirely focused.

Karen, Kevin, and Gary were all taken care of and stable.

Stan was amidst a whirlwind romance he didn't want to talk about.

Cartman was cinching some business deal.

His parents were healthy.

The apartment was nice.

So. Fucking. Nice.

Kenny's skin crawled.

His life was so fucking nice.

He'd worked so fucking hard to get here.

So. Fucking. Hard.

He had his own place. He had good relationships with others. He had an awesome fucking job.

He was doing fucking great.

 _Everything is fucking nice_.

And he had never hated anything more in his life. Nothing dripped, nothing out of place, no clutter, no screaming, no problems, no fucking _issues_ ¸ just a whole fucking lot of happy _soft_ good things.

He couldn't fucking handle it anymore.

The compulsive part of him, the dumb part of him, the angry part of him, they all longed to take a baseball bat to the nice home he'd made for himself and smash it.

To fucking _stop_.

To just not be in this fucking horrible, disgustingly _nice_ place.

In this _nice_ situation.

His fingers twitched and he could see himself, in another life, give in and wrecking the place.

 _He hated it_.

It made him anxious every time it was clean. He'd researched and researched for a meaning to it. Every fucking result of 'anxiety' and 'clean' led to web-pages about people getting anxious about clutter.

The exact fucking opposite fucking problem.

Maybe he just hated that he was still alive, despite it all, that he hadn't worked himself to death. At least not permanently.

No, he was alive and healthy and _he should be happy_.

Something about the thought swept his legs out from under him and they couldn't support his weight anymore.

He wasn't happy.

He'd set out to achieve so much. And he'd _succeeded_ despite all odds.

He was a success story.

He never worried about food or money.

He could support both of his siblings with ease and he'd set them up in such comfortable situations that soon, he wouldn't even be necessary as a financial backer.

He wanted to make sure they were okay and then, after that, maybe he would have done enough and he might stay dead.

Lightening would strike as if god himself, the asshole he is, was saying 'nice job dude, now get the fuck out of there'.

It wasn't just that.

The spacious apartment wasn't a home. It wasn't his home.

He didn't know what a home felt like anymore. He knew he wouldn't feel at home if he returned to his parents house, though the shithole it is would probably ease his anxiety.

It _hurt_. So much.

Why couldn't he just be normal and like his extremely nice apartment? Why couldn't he like his fantastic job? Why couldn't he like _anything_?

Was there something wrong with him?

Did he want to return to harder times?

More than the apartment, his anxiety, or his frustration he _despised_ the part of him that almost liked that idea. The part of him that longed for that uphill climb and the pain he'd had to endure to get here.

Was he masochistic?

No, he didn't like pain. He could handle pain and he could endure shit but he didn't _enjoy_ it. He knew himself well enough to know that.

Why couldn't he...

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Okay, don't tell anyone I contacted you because I'm still on radio silence for everyone else and I don't want them whining about picking favorites, but dude I have to tell you about this stupid freaking waffle house. It's un-freaking-believable._

"Pff... dude, what even." his lips had curved upwards without his consent, a surprised chuckle escaping.

_To: Kyle_

_wait so I'm your fav??_

It was like a string had been cut and the tension left him.

He wasn't sure he liked that either. It was nice to calm down for a moment. Welcome.

He didn't feel as much pressure to destroy his hard-earned apartment.

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that Kyle could calm him down...? He hated, more than anything, being reliant on someone else. Using someone to get a solution was different.

Using people put a distance between you. When they noticed what a pile of shit you truly were, it wouldn't be so bad because you had other tools at your disposal. If you were _depending_ on someone...

People were disappointing, people were awful.

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Shh, don't tell Stan._

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. His cheeks were wet. Nope.

He couldn't depend on Kyle's kindness. Dude was nice and a great childhood friend and all that shit but--

A choked sob made its way out and his apartment was so _big_ and full of things he didn't even _need_.

He hated himself.

It was like the first week he'd lived on his own. When he felt too guilty to eat.

He knew Karen was being fed. But how could he possibly buy food if half of it wasn't for his siblings?

He'd actually starved to death at some point, unable to stomach the idea of food for himself. It was too painful. Too guilty.

Was that why he hated his apartment? It was too nice for trash like him?

_To: Kyle_

_on one condition, does the 'un-freaking-believable' waffle story end with getting me waffles??_

Kenny curled in on himself, at war with the happiness in the messages and the misery inside. Was he just too broken? Had he made it to the finish line too fucked up to just _be happy_?

_From: Kyle_

_Actually, yeah, but that's a whole other thing. My point is they make these ridiculous waffle sandwiches, which are **amazing** btw, but when I ordered one I saw your fucking picture on the wall._

_To: Kyle_

_???????????_

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Okay, so turns out the owners are actually like_ huge _fans of that one weird drama your in with the zombies and you're like their favorite character. Like legit, you make the show for them. It was p hilarious though. They kept talking about you in the context of your character and all I could think was 'ok but you know this guy is a total dork in real life, right?' apparently you're DREAMY, dude. Also 'so cool and stoic I could just die'._

Kenny did actually laugh at that. It was so absurd. He knew he had fans, among the teen following for the ridiculous drama, but the idea of Kyle enjoying his waffle-wich, not a care in the world, suddenly assaulted by his 'broody but heart-of-gold persona' as Steven Crowe was kind of amazing.

He could almost forget his stupid apartment or the happy and miserable tears mixing on his cheeks.

_To: Kyle_

_omfg thats hilarious, plz tell them about my princess phase. i have to shatter dreams, plz dude, its my only joy in life_

Kyle might be his only joy in life.

The truth of it stung so bitterly he couldn't suppress a wet laugh.

"What the fuck is wrong with me..."

Everything was nice and something about that hurt him more than he could handle.

\--

Karen did finally come over for winter break.

She ended up loving and hating LA. Everything was apparently better in Colorado but also, Kenny, we have to try that it looks amazing and the weather is so warm here? Is it still winter?

They had initially planned to do a quick road-trip to Kevin and check up on him but that plan was foiled when Kevin informed them he was using his own money to visit their parents back in South Park.

It was scary to let him go where he'd been introduced to so many bad people and bad habits. Kevin said Gary was coming with him and Kenny half wondered when they had grown close enough for that. He hadn't pulled any strings to arrange it.

They felt a little better knowing Gary would be there. And the guilty part of Kenny, the one that had no intention of returning to his parents wrecked house for sometime to come, was grateful someone would.

He still loved his parents, he just didn't love the memories they'd left him with.

He didn't like that part of the reason he made such a great actor was just a survival tactic. That his penchant for manipulating his close friends instead of just _asking_ for help was a leftover night-terror from his parents. That there were still a few deaths he remembered a little too intimately that they were directly responsible for.

It churned his stomach.

So it was him and Karen in sunny southern California that only seemed to have two seasons: on fire and _super_ on fire.

It was a shame, Karen liked art stuff, he'd been hoping to bring her by the Getty museum. The fires near 405 were a bit too unnerving for him to risk it though.

"So, Kenny, who's the lucky girl?" Karen paused thoughtfully, "Or guy?"

Considering the last thing he'd been thinking about was fire, Kenny was a bit at a loss, "Uh... sorry kid, I must've spaced out. Who are we talking about?"

Karen gave an eye roll and continued her task of making her specialty for dinner: very plain pasta.

Kenny had really missed the taste--or tastelessness? of it.

"I'm talking about whoever it is you're so taken with when you check your phone." she tutted, "Don't think I haven't noticed you getting all pink around the edges. I thought your plan in Hollywood was to 'be a stud', who's got you smiling all shy like a schoolgirl instead?"

Kenny was genuinely at a loss, he wasn't dating anyone at the moment, was he? He didn't remember dating anyone. Or crushing on anyone.

Was he crushing on someone? His co-workers were all pretty hot but he hadn't messaged them recently.

She noticed his confusion and laughed with such sincerity he wondered if that was her goal from the beginning, just confuse him a little with random accusations.

"Have you not noticed you like them?" she snorted out between giggles, turning off the stove to enjoy this one awhile longer.

Oh. She was being serious.

And apparently watching her seemingly invincible brother knocked down a peg was all the joy she needed in her life.

Oh! Happiness! That was it--he snickered a little, "Dude, I am not crushing on anyone, it's just Kyle most of the time, we've been getting closer is all. It's been a nice change of pace so it's improved my mood is all."

Her next laugh was the opposite of pretty, it was stuttered and full to the brim with mocking judgment. It got high-pitched, low-pitched, snorty, and even a little chokey at one point.

Karen was having the time of her life laughing at him. He felt like he probably should be angry about this.

He wasn't.

"D-dude--" she finally managed, "I don't think you get it," another unpleasant gasping laugh, "You fucking _squealed_ this morning when you received a text. And then after you read it," snort, "You did a little _dance_. Oh my god, I wish your fans could see you, you unbelievable dork."

Okay, so she was talking about Kyle, she still had it wrong. "He just sent me an update about--"

Wait.

Hold up.

It occurred to Kenny that it hadn't been great news he'd received. Just news. Something about Kyle and coffee and railing against the system.

It was a nothing text about nothing and Kenny had been really happy that Kyle thought to send it to him.

Telling Karen this would _not_ improve his chances of her actually believing him on this.

"--his, uh, coffee."

For all the stories and lies he had spun for the greater good of humanity, how the fuck was it that he had simply lost his ability to bullshit in the face of his dying sister.

She lost it all over again at the comment.

Maybe he shouldn't have been so smug about life, maybe then she wouldn't be so desperate to pin something stupid on him that she'd stoop to suggesting he was crushing on Kyle.

God, just because Kyle made him happier than he felt in years didn't mean he was _crushing_ geez. God, Karen, platonic love is a thing too. Way to make everything about romance.

He didn't say any of this because she was holding up her hand to stop his protests, "Okay--" snigger, "okay," gasp, "I'm good. I'm good. This is just too great. Look, bro, I love you to death and I dunno if it really is Kyle you're texting or a cover-up for someone else, but in all seriousness, someone that makes you smile like that? Literally marry them."

How was it he'd been smiling?

**Plip**

Kenny's face went red as a cheshire grin formed on his sisters face.

_From: Kyle_

_Found the wrench, holyshit I should just ship Stan over to fix this shit for me, I am already so done and I haven't even started._

They both could see the message preview on his still too-nice phone and he put everything he had into a straight face. See, Karen, he could keep a straight face while Kyle sent him an adorable message.

He didn't _need_ to smile.

He could _totally_ hold ba---

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Update: bad idea, bad idea. Retreat. Send for help? I may die. I'm sorry, Kenny. I will miss you. But know this, I'm taking the sink out with me._

Okay, he couldn't be blamed for smiling at that, it was just impossible not to, and Karen--

 _Karen was diving for the damn phone!_ She can _not_ get it!

She knew his damn passwords too. Fuck. Why would he trust her with those?! Was he insane?

"Karen! Gimme back my phone, I swear to god, wh--"

Karen giggled even more, swiftly sliding under the table before Kenny's hand could reach her and typing in that insanely quick way that the youth of today managed.

He'd managed to wrench it away only moments later but the damage was done.

_To: Kyle_

_Literally marry me_

" _Karen_!" he didn't like that his voice came out as more of a squeak than a yell, or that Karen's giggles had officially devolved into cackles.

"Y-you're--" she managed, "welcome."

Oh, she was going to get the _full_ big brother wrath, the littl--

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Pff, when/where dude? Save me from this fucking sink and name the day._

He was joking. He was _clearly_ joking. It was obvious because of _so many damn reasons_.

But his heart _stuttered_ and he thought about Kyle in a tux and rings and laughter and cake and a less empty apartment and--

"Oh... fuck."

Karen continued to cackle, "Told you."

Little siblings were monsters.

\--

 

There was something satisfying about Karen getting just a bit star struck at the sight of his coworkers. He didn’t work with anyone particularly famous but apparently it was enough that these were the kind of people that appeared on TV. She got rather flustered around a woman she remembered from a perfume commercial.

He wanted to laugh at the way she stuttered when he offered to introduce her. Clearly she felt these people somehow lived in a completely different reality from her own.

He couldn’t though because he did understand, in a way, he’d never been star struck but he had experienced that stomach flip that was currently sending his poor baby sister for a loop.

The one that made her look around anxiously and wonder when everyone would suddenly look and her with the realization that she didn’t belong her and give her the boot.

It didn’t matter that her brother worked here and she had a visitor pass. It wasn’t important that she wasn’t actually causing any trouble other than gaping at unremarkable people doing what she considered a remarkable job.

It was a feeling he was pretty sure would follow him and his siblings their entire lives. They could assert themselves in locations and make sure it was indisputable that they did in fact belong and still feel that repressive anxiety.

So he didn’t laugh at her, just gave her shoulder a comforting pat and tried to ignore criticizing looks as he performed. It wasn’t so much that his acting wasn’t convincing but he was pretty sure she would never be able to take him seriously in the silly role.

He prepared himself for a certain amount of mocking when this was over.

\--

“Why is your ringtone so weird sounding?”

The **plip** that came only a second later left no ambiguity of the topic.

Kenny shrugged, trying not to reach for his phone _too_ eagerly, “It was the default tone when I got the phone, never felt a need to change it up.”

Karen’s smile was _too_ innocent, “Shouldn't you change it? Just so you can tell when its work or friends or whatever?”

He felt like he was walking into a trap, “I guess? Sounds like a pain though.”

Her eyes gleamed and he knew that was the wrong thing to say, “Don’t worry, I can do it for you!”

Kenny suddenly had his phone clutched protectively to his chest, horrifying jingles that his dastardly sister might choose haunting his ears.

 _Especially_ the great many terrible options she had to choose from for his current most frequent correspondent.

“Nope, I’m good, I like the plip sound. Very comforting. Would be sad to lose it. Thanks all the same.”

She didn’t look too put out over the rejection and he made note to change his passwords and quickly.

“Fiine,” she was still smiling, “Just let me know if you change your mind.”

He most certainly was not going to.

\--

He had never in his life been happier to say goodbye to his baby sister. She was still mocking him at the airport. He supposed some of it was well-earned, he left so little for her to actually be a brat about that it was inevitable she'd find something 'harmless'.

He'd always stressed perceptiveness and long-term happiness and the amount of _lectures_ he'd given her about reading a boys true intentions... well, he was lucky she was only as terrible as she was.

"Say hi to _Kyle_ for me!" she was grinning with such glee at this he had to wonder if there was a joke he was missing out on.

Still, he hugged her and told her to have a fantastic semester and waved her off through security.

It was lucky for him that he had a long weekend after this. He could go home and do things he had restrained from doing with his baby sister there. It wasn't even just dirty stuff, a serious benefit of living alone was being able to walk around naked.

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_At luggage 5, you here yet?_

What.

_To: Kyle_

_???_

Karen's snickers echoed in his mind hauntingly.

_From: Kyle_

_Didn't Karen tell you yet?_

Oh, he was going to _kill_ his darling baby sister.

_To: Kyle_

_Which terminal?_

He remembered how particular Karen had been about the time and airline. He'd thought it was weird but LAX was a hellish place to be and he assumed it had something to do with her trying to mitigate that in some way.

It was absolutely no surprise at all that Kyle's response placed him in arrivals, just downstairs.

Okay, he could do this, there was absolutely no reason he couldn't do this. His heart didn't thud at all as he didn't at all rush downstairs.

When had Karen even arranged this? He knew she had his friends contacts, only in case of emergency, but when had he raised her to be such plotting...

Oh god, she took after him, didn't she?

He wasn't hard to find. Glaring at the luggage claim 5 like his disapproval would make it do its job faster, glancing at his phone every once in awhile, looking about unti--

"Kenny! There you are, dude! I thought for a second your little sis punked me."

Oh, _someone_ had been punked. His revenge would be extraordinary. Karen should sleep with one eye open.

Years of acting before he'd ever made a career out of it provided him with the easy smile he needed to return Kyle's, in no way reflecting the inner turmoil his sister had forced him to come to terms with.

"Dude! You didn't tell me you were coming? What the actual fuck?" he hated that he could hear laughter in his voice. Dangit, Karen...

Kyle had the grace to look at least a little abashed, "Karen insisted it was a surprise, sorry, she made me promise."

Picking her side over his, the treachery, why or _why_ did that actually make Kenny like him _more_?

"You don't mind, right?"

Kyle sounded just a bit unsure and Kenny completely backpeddled.

"Not at all dude," he let some of his actual happiness about it seep through, just a little, "Karen kept asking me if I had free time this weekend, I should have known she was up to something."

Kyle chuckled, reaching down for an orange suitcase that finally came around, "She distracted you with food, didn't she?"

Kenny whined, "Am I that predictable?"

Kyle nodded solemnly. It lasted for maybe a moment before he broke into another grin.

"Dude! It has been forever though, I seriously can't believe we've both been in California this long without seeing each other? Oh yeah! I brought some extremely late house-warming gifts!"

Kenny snorted, "Oh my god, you still have those horrible little gnomes? I can't believe you didn't just toss them after the first time I cancelled."

The California sun bathing his skin, the devious grin crinkling his nose, wind tussling his unruly curls, and a mischievous glint in his eye as he spoke, "And spare you the nightmare of waking up to them staring at you? I think not, Kenneth, I am a man of my word."

He couldn't be blamed for this. This was all Karen's fault.

"Dude, literally marry me."

Kyle guffawed and Kenny liked it more than he liked anything he'd heard before in his entire life.

"This again? You never even named a date last time, I'm starting to think you're not serious about this."

"I will drive you to a jeweler right now and you can pick any damn ring in the place."

Kyle found this even more hilarious and Kenny, despite his absolute honesty on the matter, joined in the laugh.

Because the important part wasn't for Kyle to accept. It was that the laugh was contagious and Kenny was so utterly taken with _happiness_ he barely registered guiding Kyle to his car.

He thought even less about paying for parking and more about getting more giggles from the guy.

"Kenny, Kenny, don't you know that diamond rings aren't romantic anymore? Ring-pops are the new thing."

It was a reference to one of the terrible shows Kenny worked and he felt both touched and horrified that Kyle had actually watched it. Asshole had probably spent the entire time laughing his butt off at Kenny playing a teen heart-throb.

Kenny kinda wanted to be there laughing with him and throwing popcorn at the screen when it got too awful.

"Okay, ring-pop _and_ diamond ring, final offer."

Kyle gave it mock consideration, Kenny reminded himself to keep his eyes on the road.

"Kenny McCormick, I'm disappointed. I would accept your hand in marriage for nothing short of a stick of gum."

Kenny grinned, "I'm going to hold you to that. Diamond ring, ring-pop, and a stick of gum."

"Oh, and you have to get Ike's approval."

"Ike's? Not Sheila's?"

"Dude, don't call my mom by her name, it's weird. But no, in fact, stay away from my mom."

Kenny waggled his eyebrows, "Scared Steven Crowe might charm her? I've heard I'm quite popular with middle-aged women."

"Well, that _wasn't_ my worry, but now that you've said that. Go ahead, talk to my mom. Turn up the charm, see how it goes. Have fun."

"That sounded like an invitation to a painful death." Kenny said finally.

"Oh, it was." Kyle smiled.

Dangit, why was Karen so incredibly right?

\--

This could have been better timing.

"Karen, calm down, it's okay."

Karen's voice from the phone was so strained it hurt his heart, "I should have been here, maybe if I'd..."

"No, you can't blame yourself. Is she still at the hospital?"

"Yeah, but... what is she going to do Kenny? She's like us, she doesn't come from money and even if she did, she's got this hyper religious family and..."

It was a given she didn't want a child conceived from a home invasion turned rape. Neither of them needed to say it. Karen's roommate was a nice kid, Kenny had personally vetted her to make sure there was nothing afoot.

Karen adored her.

Kyle hadn't said anything, only catching Kenny's side of the conversation but hearing enough. The Saturday morning breakfast that the call had interrupted looked less and less appetizing.

"Don't worry about the money, I have more than enough to send her whatever she needs. Does she have paypal or vimo?"

Karen's voice didn't get less distressed, "She's stubborn! There's no way she'd take charity, you know how it is."

Kenny did. He never thought he'd be in this position. His eyes flickered to Kyle and he remembered all the times he'd insisted that Kyle and Stan not help him. He wasn't a charity case. That pride that felt so sore when his friends offered to buy him lunch not as a 'I get it this time, you get it next time' way but in that painful and pitiful way that came with the knowledge 'dude, you haven't eaten this week'.

He hated himself for understanding so well where Karen's roommate was coming from.

He also hated himself for finally understanding Kyle and Stan. It wasn't pity or mocking or degrading. He had something, he had the ability to help and he wanted to help because he _cared_.

Memories of snapping at his friends over it made him feel like an asshole.

Kenny knew a few ways to worm around that pride though.

"It's not a gift, it's a loan. And a late Christmas present. Also an early birthday present. Oh, and a thank you gift for tolerating my bratty baby sister."

Karen's laugh sounded wet, but she understood.

"Let me know when you weasel the amount she needs out of her. And tell her she can pay it back in chores and good grades."

He never thought he'd be in these shoes. He didn't like them. But he knew Karen would get it done.

"Karen?" his voice softened, "How well is she emotionally?'

"She's..." Karen struggled a bit with it, "Not okay. I don't think she'll be okay for a long time. I don't know if she can be okay. But I think I have this."

Karen sounded a little more confident.

"I learned from the best how to protect those I care about."

"Okay."

The phone call ended and Kenny sat back down at the table, wishing that Kyle's delicious surprise savory breakfast waffles still looked appetizing after that conversation.

"She gonna be okay?"

It was the first time Kyle had spoken since the call had begun. Kenny shrugged, not heartlessly, "It's hard to say."

There was more silence.

"I remember saying that to you."

Kenny felt his lips curve up a little, "You had the right idea."

When he first moved to California, he'd miscalculated. Sent too much to Karen, to the rehab center, to rent, and he'd found himself short.

He'd settled himself in for a rocky month before his first paycheck,

Kyle could be very convincing sometimes.

"Thanks, by the way," Kenny was looking down, not sure what sort of face to put on with sincerity, "For helping. For all the times you tried to help. I know I didn't make it easy."

There was a friendly pat on his hand and he looked up at Kyle's gentle smile, "It's okay, I understand, I'm just happy you're okay now."

He wasn't okay though. He still didn't have the courage to tell anyone.

His life had become utterly perfect through hard work and it made him feel completely miserable.

Except stupid Kyle. Kyle only felt better with time.

Which also sucked but in a different way.

"Wanna wrap up breakfast and go see those stars that you just _love_."

Kenny groaned, "Kyle, I swear to god, if you make me go to Hollywood to look at those dumb stars, I'm getting a divorce."

And some of the terrible of the morning edged away with Kyle's laugh.

\--

“You know, I don’t know why, but I kind of expected you to get recognized more.”

Kenny shrugged and continued pushing the rickety cart through the grocery store, “I’m not a primary character in anything and I haven’t been in any huge productions. I’d be more surprised if people did recognize me. Especially without all the makeup they slap on my face.”

Kyle laughed, “True, sometimes I see promos and there’s so much makeup and photo shopping I struggle to see the Kenny. Oh, grab some spinach.”

“Urgh, must I?” Kenny said.

“It’s good for you! And tasty too if you prepare it properly.” Kyle swatted his arm, “Now stop whining like a baby and grab some.”

“Yes, _mom_.”

Kyle tsked, “I didn’t raise you to sass me, Kenneth.”

“Okay, but I’m buying some bananas then. They’re cheap _and_ healthy. Didn't you teach me those values, _mom_.”

Kyle looked at him humorlessly for a good moment before he spoke, “I’m disowning you.”

“Mommy, _no_!”

They made an utter nuisance of themselves throughout the shopping trip.

\--

They didn’t end up going out on Sunday. The weather was nice and there were so many things to do and places they could go.

Instead it was him and Kyle in a nice little apartment watching terrible TV shows with Kenny divulging random and ridiculous trade secrets the entire way.

“You are literally ruining my ability to enjoy media mindlessly.”

“Okay, but admit its more interesting than the plot of this show.”

Kyle couldn’t argue with that, “Oh hey, is that you?”

Random hipster passerby was the loose description of the role he’d played. He didn’t even remembered being in this scene but he could guess.

Kyle still made fun of him for the ‘ironic’ scarf and glasses that he’d been provided for the part.

He didn’t mind much.

\--

"This was awesome, I'm really happy Karen helped me plan this."

Kenny paused, mid-goodbye, at LAX again, to dissect that sentence, "Helped you? Wasn't this Karen's idea?" _Ploy_ , more like.

Kyle scratched his head bashfully, Kenny kinda hated him for the sweetness of the motion, "Uh, no, I just, I knew she was here because you mentioned it and I thought it would be a killer surprise. I wanted to make sure I didn't screw you over schedule wise so I made Karen my inside man."

Oh, lord, Kenny wasn't remotely religious despite his repeated arrivals in the underworld, but he still pleaded for strength not to turn red to his toes.

He didn't know how to process that information.

"Literally, marry me."

Dangit, Karen.

Kyle laughed good-naturedly, "You've yet to meet my demands."

"Would it help my case if I came to your apartment and kicked your sinks ass? I could also seduce it, we could make it a threesome."

Kyle shook his head firmly, eyes narrowed, "No, that battle is between me and it."

They both cracked up at the silliness of it all. He loved it when Kyle got silly; it was sometimes a challenge to pull it out of him, but always worth it.

The goodbye went seamlessly from there and Kenny found himself endlessly grateful for his decision to buy a car.

Explaining to a Lyft or Uber driver why he was laughing and crying the entire way home wasn’t a reality he fancied.

\--

It was strange.

He remembered feeling relieved when Stan left all those months ago. As much as he loved having his friend around it was just nice to have his own space again.

He longed for that feeling of relief now and even the guilt that had accompanied it.

There were still things to do, things to maintain, so he went through the list.

Karen’s roommate was able to get the procedure. It was a few phone calls before he was able to make sure everything was on the mend but by the end of it he had them both agreeing to visit him during spring break.

Gary confirmed that Kevin had been on his best behavior in south Park and Stan confirmed it as well. Kevin himself sounded more confident then he had in ages.

He’d been able to face some of his demons, with help, and came out on top.

The pride that swelled in his chest inspired him to make time for Utah sometime next month. Visit to see his brother instead of to fix a problem. The thought alone brightened his day.

A maintenance day but not a problem-solving day.

Work went well.

Everything went well and he came back to his apartment to find the evil little gnome that Kyle hadn’t let him toss staring soullessly at him when he opened the door.

He scoffed, some home-warming gift.

The trouble was that after the maintenance and work was done all that was left was the nice apartment and silence.

Well, and the hell gnome. Where had Kyle even found the ugly thing? He kind of loved how terrible it looked inside the nice apartment.

It settled some of the anxiety.

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_I’m going to die of embarrassment. Send help._

Kenny smiled and ignored the amount he wanted to _hear_ Kyle say that instead of read it. The apartment was just too quiet.

_To: Kyle_

_no-can-do my dude. ur nightmare gnome is holding me hostage_

 

\--

Visiting Kevin went well and bad all in one. He’d anticipated there might be some issues so it wasn’t a terrible trip altogether.

Still, he could have lived without the fight or having to get comforted by Gary of all people.

Kevin was planning to get his own place soon. Kenny didn’t think he was ready. Gary just wanted to be supportive and helpful.

Kenny did wonder if he’d over-reacted. Maybe he was overly controlling. He only did it because he cared.

And now he had a ridiculously long drive through the Nevada desert to dissect his thoughts.

He didn’t want to call anyone. He was a bit scared that if he called Karen she would be on Kevin’s side and then he would really feel like an asshole.

Who else could he call? Everyone else texted unless it was some kind of emergency. He wasn’t about to text and drive with his penchant for death; the car repairs alone were not worth the risk.

His thoughts drifted towards Kyle, it _was_ his day off if he recalled correctly…

He shouldn’t.

It couldn’t hurt.

What if Kyle was busy? Or annoyed?

Then he probably wouldn’t even pick up. It should be fine.

Decided but still a bit anxious about it, he pressed call.

“Kenny? What’s up?”

He couldn’t be blamed for the instant relief the voice brought him. Tension left his shoulders faster than he could really remember why he’d been so tense.

“Nothing much, on my way back from Kevin’s, long ass drive ahead. Figured I could afford to spare you some time in my busy schedule. I know how you anticipate my glorious company.”

He could _hear_ the eye roll, “Sure. That’s what I feel. All my agitation is just an delusion brought on from Kenny-deprivation.”

“ _Now_ you’re getting it!”

“You’re terrible,” Kyle accused, “How was Kevin?”

Kenny paused mid-thought.

He’d never really discussed the Kevin issue with Kyle. Hadn’t really ever even directly discussed it with Stan. The only people that knew or that he’d discussed it with were told strictly for manipulative purposes.

Cartman was right. He was a manipulative bastard. He could live with that though, he’d long ago accepted the potential of being a villain to protect his siblings.

Kyle probably wouldn’t understand that though. He was self-righteous and straightforward and strong in ways that Kenny wasn’t. When he was upset about something he would talk about it and confront it. He was a force to be reckoned with.

He should just give a usual non-answer. Things are great. Nothings wrong. Make everything seem all smooth and nice because Kyle probably doesn’t want to hear it and telling him had no tactical advantages.

“He’s…” doing good, Gary’s a great influence on him. I had fun. “…doing good.”

He should lose his job. That acting was so poor he belonged on the Disney channel.

“…but?” Kyle asked.

Kenny sighed. What the hell. Worst case Kenny just confirmed rumors Kyle was probably already aware of.

“He wants to move on his own. And that's fine and I understand why he wants to but… I’m worried he’s over-confident about his condition, he’s been clean for awhile now but he also hasn't had stressors like rent or loneliness fucking him over.”

When he’d started he couldn't seem to stop.

“I just think he should slow down a bit before he goes completely independent, maybe start paying Gary rent and get used to what the regular monthly deduction from a paycheck feels like. Or if he wants to move out, get a roommate I can trust, or at least let me pay the rent on the place.”

Kyle hummed in the right places, not interrupting but showing he was still listening.

“I don’t know, I know I’m being over-protective, but what if he relapses again? What if no one notices until he’s overdosed on some fucking street corner and the next fucking time I see him is in a coffin? Why doesn’t he fucking understand that the world sucks and its stressful and terrible and I’m just trying to _help_. If he just jumps out on his own like a fucking idiot I can’t help him and I can’t afford to keep supporting him and Karen if I move to Utah to look after him. And he said he doesn’t want to move to California.”

Kenny was surprised at how wet his own voice sounded.

“I don’t know what to do. I just don’t. I know I can’t protect them from everything, I know I haven’t been _able_ to protect them from everything, but I can’t,” he choked up a little, “I’m trying as hard as I can, okay, and I don’t want to wake up to a phone call from fucking Gary telling me its all fucking over. Or what if… I can’t do it, Kyle, I’m not going to fucking sit there and wait for something to go _wrong_. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.”

Kyle was making soothing noises, “I know.”

Kenny couldn’t help but feel grateful that Kyle didn’t say ‘it’ll be okay’.

It was never going to be ‘okay’. Life was a murderous bitch and Kenny was well area that she’d had it out for him since day one.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Kenny tried to hold in the emotion from his voice. He failed. “I’m scared. I’m just really fucking scared. And I get where he’s coming from, I really do, and he _has_ been doing really well lately… I’m just scared. I don’t want to lose him.”

“I know.”

“And he’s a jerk for surprising me with this the minute I visit, okay? I just wanted to have a fun weekend with my brother. Lousy, stupid, selfish _jerk_. Okay, _fine_ , its something that's better to talk about face-to-face but _still_. He’s a jerk.”

“Hm.”

“And you know what else? Gary could have taken my side a bit more. I know that he’s actually started enjoying having a roommate. Stupid Kevin, stupid Gary.”

Kyle kept him company the entire boring desert drive.

Kenny wasn’t sure if it was because of the pent up _everything_ but he spilled more than he’d told anyone.

And as mortified as he felt about admitting to having emotions, Kyle’s morning texts were still there the day after, the same as always.

It helped and somehow the world felt just a bit okay.

‘Okay’ was so much better than ‘nice’.

\--

Why is San Francisco _chilly_?

Kenny questioned whether he was still in California. He was too used to the mellow non-existent weather of socal. At least he’d been prepped for the cold when he’d gone to Canada, expecting the chillier climate. Logically he should have understood that farther north would mean colder weather but come _on_.

California was supposed to be warm damnit.

He did kind of like the excuse to wear heavier clothes though. And the chill of his nose reminded him of home in a pleasant way.

Now all he had to do was get a Lyft from the airport.

Sure, he _could_ have gotten a pick up from Kyle. But that would have been meant warning him and then would the point of scheming with Stan all month have been?

Just a two-day trip to bother Kyle on his days off and get revenge for the heart-stopping surprise from winter break.

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_I’m so bored, holy crap. It’s been forever since I was caught up n everything, you know? I don’t know how to handle free time anymore._

**Plip**

_From: Stan_

_LOL dude kyles whining about boredom, plz tell me youre almost there & record his scream for me_

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Okay, I’ll pay whatever ransom the stupid gnome is demanding. Just teach me the ways of laziness._

Kenny face ached under the intensity of his own grin. This was going to be _sweet_.

\--

Kyle screamed.

And then slammed the door in his face.

And then the apartment rustled and the door finally opened again and Kenny still hadn’t stopped laughing. Stan, on face-time, was also losing his shit over the reaction. 

 _“Oh my god, dude,”_ Stan gasped, _“I knew he’d flip but that was_ amazing _. I wish I’d been recording.”_

Kyle grumbled and took advantage of the presented screen to hang up on him. Kenny only laughed harder.

Kyle punched his shoulder half-heartedly, “You could have told me you were coming dude, my apartments a wreck.”

Kenny shrugged, “I think our definitions of wreck might be vastly different so I wouldn’t worry so much. Besides, if there was really that much cleaning to do, you wouldn’t be paying gnome ransom, would you?”

There wasn’t any real arguments that could be make after that and he was finally granted entrance into the rather clean apartment. Kenny shrugged off his parka as he entered while he tried to suppress his giggles.

**Plip**

_From: Stan_

_Did he srsly just hang up on me???? Tell him im telling his mom on him_

Kenny was too busy replying to Stan’s half-hearted complaints to really pay much attention as Kyle zipped about the apartment, apparently putting away this and that and burying some things out of sight. He didn’t close his laptop before Kenny looked up though.

“Oh my god, were you watching ‘The Trouble Below’?” it was an episode where he featured a large role too.

Kyle flushed, “The plot is so bad its good. I was bored. That's all.”

The logic wasn’t bad but the defensives in Kyle’s voice put mischief in his soul.

“Kyle,” he purred, “Are you a _fan_ of the show?”

Kyle jumped at the accusation, “N-no! It’s just a surprisingly fun watch is all.”

Oh, this was amazing. He could tease Kyle for _days_ with this. Tasteful and prideful Kyle, getting overly invested in a terribly scripted teen drama. His eyes gleamed and he tried to recall some lines from the last script he’d been sent.

“Kyle, don’t worry. I’ll protect you from the darkness.” He over-acted, just a bit, but he had his Steven Crowe voice on and the reaction was _so_ worth it.

His face was as red as his hair. It was amazing. But, there was some sincere embarrassment in the expression so Kenny back-peddled a bit.

It was rather important to avoid pushing Kyle too far. One might lose an arm.

He laughed easily, “It’s cool, dude, I get it. I like Chloe’s character actually. From the episodes I’ve seen at least. Girl is hell to work with but she definitely makes for an entertaining foil to the main character.”

See, sound all academic about it and Kyle would brighten up, Kyle’s discomfort lessened and he closed the laptop, “Personally, I think she gets a bit too much screen time.” He grumbled half-heartedly.

He wasn’t totally back to happy again but Kenny could fix that.

“So, have you had lunch and where is this ‘a-freaking-mazing’ waffle place that worships me? I could use my ego getting stroked.”

There it was, the eye roll and smile, “I think if your ego got any larger the government would have to start charging you land-tax.”

Why, oh why, had he waited so long to visit Kyle?

\--

How is it they were repeating the same mistake from earlier? There were so many interesting places in San Francisco that Kenny had never seen.

They didn’t leave the apartment once the entire weekend except to grab sandwiches. It wouldn’t be right if Kenny didn’t appease his fans.

When Kyle brought up going out, Kenny pointed out that he was totally coming back some other time so it really didn’t matter.

It was simple and relaxing and fun. Playing videogames, watching dumb shows, talking about stupid shit. They ended up making plans to do all the truly terrible tourist things together next time.

Next time.

Kenny didn’t know when that would be but he was already moving his work schedule around in his head and seriously debating exactly how much he cared if he appeared in a car commercial.

Kyle seemed pleased as well, despite his initial fluster and sworn vengeance against Stan. They half-plotted a surprise visit to Colorado to scare the crap out of Stan next time.

He couldn’t for the life of him understand why he’d waited on this, put it off, hadn’t made it a priority the minute he’d moved to California.

“Should we order out or are you actually gonna get up and cook?” Kenny said.

Kyle half groaned at the idea of standing up, “You cook.”

“I can’t be held responsible for the results.”

“Shush, get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.”

Kenny mock-gasped, “It wouldn’t be right! You’re not my husband! The lack of _propriety_ , the _scandal_!”

“Only because you haven’t met my demands.” Kyle reminded with a laugh.

“But that would require _effort_ … don't you understand, my leggies are so warm and comfortable and moving is the opposite of warm and comfortable.” Kenny whined.

“Can’t help you there, dude.”

“I want a divorce.”

“Have to get married first.” Kyle said.

Kenny couldn’t suppress the way that flipped his stomach, “Okay, first we get married, and then we get a divorce.”

Kyle laughed and it was again the laughed that gave Kenny too much happiness, “Sure, anytime, anywhere, McCormick.”

\--

“Okay, but how do you fuck up eggs? Literally how?”

Kenny shrugged but he was more than pleased that his prank still had Kyle reeling a full day later. _Make me a sandwich_ indeed.

Another goodbye, SFO was less miserable than the airport he was heading to but only barely, Kenny wished he could stay longer.

It would be okay, he reminded himself, he could come back anytime. The distance wasn’t that far and he could afford the gas or plane tickets or whatever.

“Catch you later, dude! Make sure you finish all your leftovers, _honey_.”

Kyle’s face scrunched as he waved, clearly debating throwing out the strangely sweet eggs. Kenny knew he wouldn’t, guy was too obsessive about not wasting food.

He tried really hard not focus on how hard it was to leave.

\--

“You know that's what most people consider flirting, right?”

Kenny wasn’t in a great mood for Karen’s teasing today, “Nah, it’s just messing around. He does—its not like that. Just friend-stuff.”

“So you and Stan _also_ joke frequently about getting hitched?”

Kenny groaned, there was no winning with her, “No, we don’t, but like… that's only because its not a running gag with me and Stan. I’m absolutely positive that Kyle doesn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s still flirting. Even _if_ he’s not doing it on purpose, which I doubt, you’re definitely flirting with him.”

He couldn’t argue with that.

\--

It really wasn’t all that long before he saw Kyle again. This time they actually communicated and arranged a visit instead of heart-stopping surprises.

Which was good but also the heart-stopping surprises were kinda fun and he’d miss them.

He didn't really need comfort on the matter though, just being able to go to the airport anticipating Kyle’s arrival pretty much made up for any loss. Even the stupidity of LAX was mitigated.

\--

It felt like things with Kyle always started as a small one-time thing and then evolved into a regular event.

One way or another, despite continually busy schedules and business trips and family emergencies, and everything else the world threw at him seeing Kyle became somewhat regular.

From once for something special to at least once a month to almost every other week.

At this rate Kenny was becoming concerned that the guy would grow sick of him but then it couldn’t be denied that Kyle was also making the effort. Inviting him up or heading on down.

Kenny rarely let his schedule work him through weekends anymore unless it was necessary. It was strange, the life he’d led for a long time on the policy of getting results was switching into one where just focused on maintaining those results and having fun.

And, honestly, nothing was more fun than Kyle.

Canada was unavoidable though. So much filming happened there that Kenny honestly wondered if Hollywood should just move up there and save on travel expenses.

The good news of this particular trip was sitting in from of him though.

Ike sipped his coffee with a critical eye trained on him. It wasn’t really planned to be in Toronto at the same time as his friend’s brother but if they were both there, it was only right that they went to coffee, right?

Okay, that was just an excuse. He wanted to make a good impression on Ike. As much as he insisted to Karen there wasn’t anything between him and Kyle and that would probably never change, making a good impression on Ike _really_ couldn’t hurt.

“So you and Kyle are dating or something now, right?”

Kenny forgot that younger siblings were all spawns of satan.

He nearly spit out his coffee, the result was an unpleasant gurgling sound followed by some concerning choking.

Ike was entirely impassive through it and continued to sip his own coffee. Really, Kyle could use some of this kids ceaseless chill. Kenny was kinda happy that they didn’t share that trait though, he might have a heart attack.

He was finally breathing again but his reply still sounded strained, “What makes you say that?”

He was being sized up by a kid nearly half his age. Or was Ike half his age? Or closer to Karen’s age? He couldn’t remember. Shit.

“Reasons.” Ike said finally and Kenny kind of hated him.

“…being?” he pressed.

Ike cracked a bit of a smile and shrugged, enjoying the game of keep-away, probably vengeance for all those rounds of kick the baby that Kenny had been a part of, “Nothing interesting.”

Kenny might strangle the kid.

“Oh, well,” Kenny was at a loss, this was not what he expected from this at all, “We’re, uh, not. Um, together.”

“Eloquent.”

Oh, Kenny officially didn’t feel guilty for even a single round of kick the baby. Why didn’t Kyle warn him that his brother was straight up evil?

“Why not?”

He did spit out some of drink this time. He should stop drinking, shit, but it was the only thing he could do to ease the awkward in his soul.

“Uh, no special reason? I mean, why not ask why him and Stan aren’t a thing? Wait is Kyle even bi or gay or anything?”

Ike rolled his eyes and Kenny finally saw the family resemblance in the action, he hated that it made his heart warm up to the kid just a bit.

“I’m not asking about him and Stan because there’s no reason do.” He clicked his tongue in a ‘what are you, dumb’ way.

Kenny was catching his bearings. He could do this. Little siblings were his thing. He’d yet to lose to Karen for long… well, except about Kyle but there was no way he was losing to two twerps in a row.

“And what exactly makes you think there’s a reason to ask about me and Kyle then?”

“Well, Kyle isn’t exactly spending every other weekend at Stan’s, now is he?” Ike said.

Kenny could counter that, “Because dude lives in Colorado. That would be an insane commute.”

“Los Angeles isn’t exactly next door to San Francisco either.”

Kid had a point, the commute was something Kenny sort of despised, but he still hadn’t lost this round, “It’s still more affordable and flights only take about an hour or so.”

“But you still drive up a lot.”

Geh, kid had done his homework. There wasn’t any real reason to bring his car, it was just sometimes easier than booking a flight. And if he just drove all night on 5 with no traffic it really wasn’t all _that_ long a drive.

“Sometimes it’s easier.” Kenny smiled in an easy way. He had to find this brats weakness, “Why are you so persistent on this? Trying to marry your brother off to a handsome actor?”

Ike snorted, “Please. Don't you know anything, its lawyers and doctors or nothing.”

It was so clearly a joke but it somehow cut and Kenny tried desperately to hide his dampened spirits with more cursed coffee.

He’d thought about that. A lot. Kyle was the sort of guy that would probably want book smart and successful. Someone practical. Someone that didn’t make eggs sweet on accident and then play it off as a prank.

Someone who didn’t bring his maturity down several levels.

Someone probably the opposite of Kenny. All honest and shit. Able to express themselves by just asking friends for favors instead of the backwards manipulative shit he pulled.

He measured his response carefully.

“Don't forget nurses, they pull a paycheck and they’re usually fierce as fuck.”

Ike was eyeing him again.

“So when’s the wedding?”

Kenny realized that he was not going to win this one.

**Plip**

_From: Kyle_

_Oh, dude, I left one of my textbooks at your place last time. Do you mind grabbing it when you come up next week?_

Kenny hadn’t the slightest clue what his expression looked like. He didn’t think it looked particularly love struck. He liked to think he’d gotten much better at this whole texting thing. Karen had only been able to tease him a little during spring break.

Ike raised a delicate brow, “Soon then.”

Kyle’s little brother is a dick. A perceptive, horrible, little jerk.

\--

How bad did he have it that a brat he barely knew outside of childish childhood squabbles pick up on it? Karen he could understand. Sometimes she knew him better than he did, but that was a lifetime of trust and love built up.

Ike should totally have not been privy to any of that.

Yet there was no denying the little shit had him completely pegged. He could only hope that the kid found his fluster amusing enough that he didn’t tell his older brother.

Or had Kyle picked up on it? Was that how Ike knew? Kenny felt like his whole body weighed more than it did at the thought.

What if Kyle knew and he was trying to think of a way to let him down easy? What if the Ike confrontation had been some subtle way to let Kenny know the feelings were unwanted?

He knew that already, he didn’t need anyone reminding him. Shit. He wasn’t trying to get anything out of this. Kyle just made him happy and he had poor impulse control to things that made him feel good.

It was a weakness he didn’t have any real way of combating outside of ensuring his expectations were well within reason. Just friends. Just a close friendship.

That’s all it was.

Everyone else was being weird over absolutely nothing.

Kyle, with his head in Kenny’s lap and completely engrossed in the ridiculous cop drama they’d picked up, suddenly nudged him.

“Dude, I think the doctor did it.”

Kenny nodded, trying to remember the plot of this particular episode, “Yeah, probably.”

“You okay man?”

He was. He really was.

He was okay.

The thought itself had its own horrors he could face later. He still hated the idea of relying on anyone else to be ‘okay’.

People were nice and all but really, trusting them not to hurt you was like giving a toddler access to all the sweets he could imagine and then _not_ expecting a tummy ache at the end of it.

Kenny had a strict policy against it.

“I’m good, just a bit lost in thought.”

Kyle paused the drama and twisted up to look at him and Kenny couldn’t express how adorable it was.

“What about?”

“How much I wanna reinstitute kick the baby.”

Kyle laughed openly, “Lunch with Ike was that bad, huh?”

“You have no idea. Dude is _relentless_. Warn me next time I’m going for a meet the in-laws visit!” Kenny swatted at Kyle while adjusting his voice to the monotone Ike had taunted him with, “’And what are your intentions with our Kyle, can we expect grandchildren? Oh dear, tut tut, I see you are an actor. Can I really entrust my child to such a flimsy career? And I’ve noticed he doesn’t have a ring on his finger yet, how vulgar!’ I swear to god, Kyle, your brother is worse than Sheila and Gerald combined. If I go to another meeting like that we’re getting a divorce.”

Kyle, who had been losing his shit in laughter at the terrible Ike impression, elbowed him painlessly, “I told you not to call my parents by their names, dude. Also again, we need to get married before we can get divorced.”

“Fine,” Kenny said, “Literally marry me.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, “That wasn’t even a question! Or romantic, how do you expect to get anywhere without any romance?”

“Oh, and you could do _so_ much better?”

The gleam in Kyle’s eye was deadly. Kenny had fallen into a trap. Goddamn Broflovski’s. They would be the death of him.

“Oh, I _absolutely_ can.” He wriggled out of Kenny’s lap and stood up in a motion only stuttered by his own giggles before offering Kenny a hand.

Kenny took it without thinking and found himself pulled to his feet effortlessly. When had Kyle acquired that kind of strength? Or was Kenny just that light? He couldn’t begin to think of an answer because he was quite suddenly breathless.

And now Kyle had his hand and had closed the distance until their bodies were inches apart, dancing eyes locked on Kenny’s.

“Kenny,” Kyle’s giggly voice was the only thing that grounded him in the reality that this was all a joke. Just a joke. He still couldn’t breathe, “You’re the only one I give terrifying gnomes to,” Kyle kept eye contact and began to kneel, still holding his hand and Kenny was quite sure he was going to asphyxiate before he remembered how to breathe.

“Princess,” a feather-light kiss on Kenny’s knuckles and he felt _faint_ , “Marry me?”

And Kyle was able to maintain the stare for exactly three seconds before he exploded with laughter.

“Oh my _god_ dude,” he was gasping for breath, face red up to his ears with glee, “you _need_ to see the look on your face! It’s _amazing_!”

Kenny, for his part, couldn’t decide what his face might look like but he knew from the warmth and lack of oxygen it must be a sight to see. That wasn’t important. Was important was _beating Kyle, the giggling bastard, to fucking death with a pillow because that was simultaneously the worst and best moment of his entire fucking life_.

“Kyle you fucking dweeb!”

“Mercy! Mercy! Wait, so, is that a no?”

Kenny couldn’t see his face; he was going to smother the bastard to death.

Screw Ike, Kyle was _definitely_ the worst Broflovski.

\--

“…and that's not flirting because…?”

Kenny screamed into his pillow, unwilling to disturb the neighbors. He very much considered tossing his phone with his sister’s skeptical voice far, _far_ away.

“ _Because_ he was laughing his fool head off the entire fucking time!”

“And you’re telling me if you weren’t in his shoes, you wouldn’t be doing exactly the same thing? It’s easier to flirt when you can disguise it as a joke Kenny, you know that.”

“But _Kyle_ wouldn’t. If he liked me he’d probably be all painfully straight forward and shit! Sit me down for a serious talk and act like it was some kind of serious negotiation. He doesn’t make a joke of things like this!”

That did give her pause, “I can’t necessarily argue with that because you would know him better than I… but I’m just saying that I find it really hard to imagine a guy going through an entire mock proposal like that without having it pretty bad.”

“ _Or_ unless he’s so confident in the platonic nature of the relationship that he _trusts_ that I won’t interpret it as anything but the joke that it is.”

Karen sighed, “Okay, Kenny, you win. Kyle totally does not have a thing for you and only constantly jokes about marrying you as some kind of ridiculous inside joke that's not even that funny. I’m not going to try to convince you otherwise.”

“ _Thank you_!” Kenny said

“But—“ Karen started.

“Oh my god…”

“—just one question, if you were to confess to Kyle, how would you do it?”

Kenny blinked, “I mean, he might not take me seriously unless I did it his way. Scratch that, he _definitely_ wouldn’t take me seriously, so I’d have to do that boring table negotiation thing.”

“Interesting.”

“What’s ‘interesting’?” Kenny was seriously reconsidering option: throw the phone and forget the sister.

“Well, have you ever considered he might be doing the same thing?”

 _She was going to give him literal fucking nightmares_!

“No, come on, it’s _Kyle_. Why the hell would he try to confess _my_ way? He’s never bent for someone else in his life.”

“If you say so, you know him better than I do.”

“…I’m giving you up for adoption. I hope you realize this.”

\--

An entire week.

It had taken no small amount of planning on both of their parts but it had been arranged. Kenny didn’t have work and Kyle was off school and his internship as well. They had a full week.

And Kyle was coming down to LA.

They were going to go to Six Flags and ride every damn roller coaster in the park twice. They were going to hit up Santa Monica and buy overpriced tourist shit and play at the damn beach. They were going to pick out a new game _together_ for the sole purpose of attempting to finish it together over the course of the week.

They were going to party and relax and it was going to be _amazing_.

And Kenny had done everything in his power to ensure that nothing short of a death in the family would disrupt his Kyle time. He’d earned this damnit.

And Kyle had landed and greeted him with a hug because that was just a _thing_ they did now. Bro’s can hug, nothing gay there, and Kenny wasn’t complaining at _all_.

One full week of nothing but Kyle.

And the sight of Ike behind his best bro was not at all _soul crushing in every way_.

He managed a greeting without choking on his words. He called that a win.

“Ike’s here for school,” Kyle explained full of cheer, “He’s going to be staying with his friends for a convention about technology or something.”

Okay, that was a little relieving—

“But I thought we could all have diner together tonight to celebrate getting some time off.”

Kyle was grinning. Ike was eyeing him in that way that he did.

Kenny decided all Broflovski’s were fucking evil.

What the hell was he going to do if Ike decided to mention over dinner ‘oh, by the way bro, Kenny has it _bad_ , he wants some vitamin D administered strictly by one Dr, Broflovski’. He did _not_ want to spend this week with that hanging over them. He just wanted one awesome week.

He took back every complaint he’d ever had about Karen. She was a freaking _saint_. Ike was evil. _Evil_.

Despite his misgivings though, dinner was entirely uneventful on his end.

Ike _did_ spend a hot second giving Kenny knowing looks and gesturing at Kyle with an intentional lack of subtlety but he changed targets pretty quickly when Kenny maintained a poker face. He was _ready_ this time. _Fool me once_.

“When are you planning to visit home again? Mom’s been nagging me to just kidnap you to bring you back.”

Kenny had no doubt that Ike was quite literally under those orders. Sheila was a scary woman.

“I haven’t had much time lately.” Kyle shrugged, clearly not wanting to broach the topic further.

Ike, as Kenny had learned, has a relentless streak. Must be a Broflovski thing.

“Really? But you’ve been able to visit the sunnier side of California so many times I’ve lost count. Surely one of those weekends could have been spent saving visiting mom.”

Kyle choked. Kenny felt some sympathy for him. Ike was a scary opponent. But there was no way he was going to help out and attract the kids attention again. He was still traumatized from the last time.

“Tha-that’s different. It’s—its much closer for starters. And cheaper! And,” Kyle searched desperately for an out, “—I just really like it down here. Yeah. The weathers nice.”

“You like _who’s_ down here.” Ike amended easily and Kyle managed to choke on air while sending Kenny alarmed looks.

Ah, now it made sense.

Ike was still convinced they were a thing and Kyle had also been getting shit about it. Probably didn’t want Kenny getting the wrong idea.

Kenny gave him his best ‘it’s cool man, I know he’s full of it’ look. Kyle still looked alarmed though so Kenny figured it wasn’t a convincing look.

Still, he was not going to open himself to Ike’s ridicule when he actually _was_ hiding a romantic emotion towards his pal. The good news was if Ike spilled the beans now Kenny could compare the accusations to the ones issued at Kyle.

False in every way.

“It’s not—“ Kyle’s voice was a squeak, “I don’t, I mean, I _do_ like Kenny. He’s my friend. Yeah, its nice to have a close friend living so close.”

Smooth Kyle.

Kenny couldn’t blame him though. Ike’s eyes could bore holes through a steel bar.

“Look, all I’m saying is maybe spend a bit less time with your boyfriend and a little more time with your family.”

Kyle’s face was so red Kenny was a bit concerned about the rest of his appendages getting blood.

“He’s not--we’re not—Ike you said you wouldn’t—we’re not dating!”

Kenny decided finally that Ike’s ire be damned, he had to rescue his pal.

“Yeah,” he chimed in, “We’re engaged!”

“ _What_!” Kyle sputtered, whirling and missing the joke in Kenny’s tone entirely.

“Don't you remember, _honey_ , you swept me off my feet and asked for my hand.” Kenny dramatized his voice _just_ enough and Kyle caught on, relief flooding his face at the out. “It was _so_ romantic. I can hardly breathe when I think about the horrid gnomes you gave me as an engagement gift.”

They could out gross Ike.

Easy pickings.

“Y-yeah.” Kyle said lamely, “That.”

It was far from the usual silly that Kenny had been able to coax out of him previously, but he totally understood. Ike had a way of winding a person.

At least blood seemed to finally be balancing out within Kyle.

Ike raised an eyebrow, “You proposed? I’m impressed. Good job, Kyle. Didn't know you had it in you.”

It was so simple and monotone but Kyle’s ears looked red again and he was looking anywhere but his dinner companions.

Kenny just felt rather justified his earlier assessment of Ike’s evil.

\--

“That was,” Kenny laughed unceasingly, relief flooding some of the tension as they drove away from the hotel where they’d just dropped Ike off, “Intense. You alive dude?”

Kyle looked upset, eyes fixed out the window, “I’m sorry about that. Ike’s just got himself convinced that—nah, forget it. It’s dumb.”

Kenny shrugged, “Don't worry about it, he already gave me that treatment in Toronto. I think he’s just enjoying that he can get a rise out of us is all.”

There was a pregnant pause where Kyle slumped further in his seat and Kenny felt like he’d said something wrong.

“…yeah.” Kyle said finally.

Nope.

Kenny was not going to start his week of awesome with Kyle in such a terrible mood. Not an option.

They had ten minutes before they reached his apartment.

Ten minutes to come up with a game plan to figure out what had bummed Kyle out to this extent and set the week back on track.

“Hey,” Kenny switched to gentle older brother tones, “What’s eating you, dude? It’s cool, you can tell me.”

Kyle shifted in his seat, “..,it’s… I dunno, I guess… look, let me think on it for a bit, okay? I’ll get back to you when I’m less—“

“—grouchy?”

Kyle thwacked his shoulder, “I was going to say moody.”

Kenny shrugged, “Same dif.”

“Ugh, you’re awful.” There was a smile in his voice though.

Kenny decided that tonight was a pillow fort night. 

\--

 

Goodbyes at airports had become pretty normal for them. It sucked more after a longer period of time but Kenny had the comfort of knowing that he was a preference option to visiting the parents.

That had been the one nice bonus of Ike’s misguided teasing. It had firmly established that Kyle would rather spend time with his pal Kenny then rushing back off to South Park.

Goodbyes at airports were a normal thing for them now but Kyle was oddly edgy.

“You okay dude? You’ve been a bit of a wreck since this morning.”

Kyle’s smile was edged with nerves, “It’s nothing, just, um…”

**Plip**

"Oh, one second dude, its Karen."

_From: Karen_

_Sisterly warning. Try not to faint. At least swoon. It’s more ladylike._

Kenny's brow furrowed, did she mean to send this to Kevin? What was she…

He looked back up to Kyle to explain that Karen was being a total weirdo when he was suddenly face-to-face with other.

Personal space bubble? What even was that.

“Promise not to be mad.” Kyle’s voice shook just a bit.

Kenny felt every anxiety possible from ambiguity of the statement but nodded none the less, “Sure?”

And then there was no space between them.

Breathing? What was breathing? Kyle Broflovski had touched their lips together.

Kenny didn’t think he’d ever breathe again.

He was just about to pull away but he couldn’t, nope, he couldn’t steal Kenny’s entire ability to understand reality and then pull away. _Nope_.

Kyle had barely gotten a centimeter away before Kenny closed the gap this time.

What would he do if this was a joke? He didn’t know. He could say he was playing along. He didn’t care.

How had he ever thought he could live in a world that didn’t contain Kyle-kisses? He must have been temporarily insane.

**Plip**

The odd but familiar noise finally prompted them to pull apart. Kenny wasn’t going to look down at his phone though.

Kyle’s face was red and his eyes were gentle and _searching_ and Kenny wondered what his own face looked like.

Probably like a complete wreck.

What a ridiculous cliché, kissing goodbye at an airport. It belonged in one of those terrible dramas Kenny kept getting roles in.

“Kenny, I—“ he lost his own words, unable to put together all he seemed to want to say. If Kenny knew him, the poor guy had an entire speech planned that he’d just completely forgotten, “Kenny—“

Kenny found some confidence.

“Hey, so,” he rested his forehead on Kyle’s, “What if I said I don’t actually want a divorce?”

“Huh?”

“Like, lets get married and I’ll get that diamond ring, a stick of gum, a ring-pop, and even Ike’s approval and then we just, do that?”

Kyle seemed happy but conflicted, “Kenny, I’m—I’m not joking here.”

Kyle’s cheeks were warm under his hands, “Good. Neither am I.”

And he hadn’t meant for that last bit to sound watery at all but apparently the fact that his own voice shook and he couldn’t quite hold back the wet building in his eyes helped sell his sincerity.

“Hey, Kyle, will you literally marry me?”

Kyle finally cracked that smile that wrecked Kenny regularly, “Only if you agree to date me.”

“Done.”

And then, airport, maturity, and aversions to PDA be damned, they leaned forward again.

\--

The apartment was gorgeous.

Nice in a way that a younger version of himself would have trouble believing he’d ever managed to get ahold of.

And the world was soft and fluffy in ways that he’d never really grow completely comfortable with.

A gorgeous apartment, a wonderful job, and fantastic loved ones. He was living a life that he’d never thought possible but strove for nonetheless.

And this time, this time when he walked into the place he’d earned for himself, he didn’t have to pretend to like it.

**Author's Note:**

> i kept wondering how kenny would actually respond if he actually did get everything. cake and eat it too kinda thing. how that might effect him psychologically after so long fighting and quitting and just life-sucking. idk, spur of the moment inspiration that ended up being way longer than i intended. all i wanted to do was showcase the longterm results of trauma XD;;  
> I also just have this persistent hc that kenny should totes go into acting. hes just so theatrical all the time and throws himself completely into his roles XD no one pulls princess better than kenny owo (and tweek has talent dude)
> 
> I also really like Kyle and Karen plotting together against Kenny xD  
> "dude, kyle, my bro is crazeballs for you but hes a lousy wuss so just sweep him off his feet, gawd"  
> "I triiied! He looked like he was going to faint! What if he thinks im a creep??? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure he likes me????????"  
> "omg im done with u both"
> 
> if anyones wondering, kyle was already smitten sometime ago. stan was trying very hard and failing completely to be a wingman


End file.
